Courtenay Hameister finds herself in the crosshairs of the internet’s most edgy, rock-and-roll feminist mommy blogger. Like any smart person would, she invites parent Cort Webber and professional idiot Bobby Roberts to wander into the firing range, spouting opinions like clouds of flak. Why are so many shots being fired? Well, it has to do with parenthood – those that choose to be parents, those that choose not to be, the wide range of tolerance levels that bridge those two choices, and what happens when a gag is taken too seriously, and people start throwing around charges of baby racism. Once again, we wade around in a mess of etiquette and annoyance, brought to you by the unforseen ways in which people use their facebook pages; Not just as photo album, but as passive-aggressive weapon, and decision-validator.
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
This was a tremendous relief to listen to; my blood pressure was at aneurysm level after reading the post and a handful of comments. Better now knowing the world is not entirely insane and without a sense of humor.
Feel free to change photos of my kids to anything but Angelina Jolie’s kids. That would offend me.
Thank you
It was weird as hell to watch that writer consistently try to draw a line between institutionalized racism and “I don’t want to see a bunch of baby pictures on facebook.” Like she honestly believed installing the app was step one on the way to ERADICATING THE INFANT-KIND. It’s hard to keep hold of any middle ground when the discussion keeps listing to that side, you feel like you almost HAVE to go as crazy as she is in order to talk about it.
Is Tara Dublin moonlighting as a feminist/parent blogger?
As a non-parent (maybe in a year or two?), I feel like its child abuse to put your kid’s picture all over the internet without their permission. Seriously, them taking a poop is cute to you, but maybe 15 year old them doesn’t really want that creepy kid at school seeing it. Pictures of kids should only be seen by friends and family who specifically request them. Stop exploiting your kids for page hits.
Great podcast, Courtenay was thought provoking as always.
“Argue someone out of an emotion.”
I spend a lot of time dealing with anti-science, and non rational people in medical and other forums. Anti-vaxers, 9/11 conspiracists, anti fluoridation, moon landing hoax, etc
I have learned that while I can’t talk them out of an emotional place, I can get the other people reading or listening to think about the position because they aren’t in a ‘defensive’ position and not grasping desperately to their emotional position.
I’m not saying you should or should not engage with these people, only that there can be a good reason to engage.
Mommy bloggers can be the worst because they all seem to fall into the ‘whetever gut feeling I have, or crazy idea that pops into my head, is right because I manged to do what billions of other women have done.” and there is a whole industry reaffirming that BS concept.
Most of me friends had kids past the infant stage when facebook came out, so I have experienced the inundation of baby pictures people currently in there 20s and 30s must get. If I did, I would have installed the add-in.
Hey, I should write an add in that replaces pictures of kittens with pictures of my kids!
Remember, if you don’t respond to my post with a nice and loving responses, you are a bitter shriveled prune of a person~
Is the broken link a picture of your own furrbabies? A proud puppy-daddy like yourself should be showing them off everywhere!
(Listen to episode 133 of hamfisted radio to get the references)
Oh. Hello there. How are you? I just have a few questions here: 1. Who’s a good kitty? 2. Who has a belly? and 3. Who’s the boo boo?
Your prompt attention to this matter would be much appreciated.
~Courtenay Hameister, Esq.
Awwwww, look- a kitty! Looks like my cat when she was a kitten, adorable
Feminism is a pretty broad church, for better or for worse. It’s like anything; there’ll be radicals, who find institutions of marriage and nuclear family inherently oppressive to women, but then liberal feminists who think equality will proceed if we just give women equal rights in terms of laws and no radical cultural shifts are necessary. There are people who are all about equal rights but do not label themselves feminist because of the transphobic and racist past of early (and in terms of trans rights, current) feminist movements.
I personally believe in a feminism that helps to make women’s lives easier no matter what choices they make. Whether she works, has kids, doesn’t have kids, chooses to go into sexwork.. There’s no one correct way to be a feminist, but if you’re too busy laying judgment on other women for their choices (be it childlessness or motherhood) to focus on the sexism that affects all of us, then you’re doing something wrong, I’d say.
Thank you, vee. Demanding that feminism be anything other than ‘Yay, Women/Identifying as Women, go get Life!’ is foolishly narrow and does no one any good.
And if sometimes getting Life means ignoring someone’s baby bliss and choosing kittens, so be it.
YES – I don’t think I said it clearly enough, or often enough in this episode, but I think all this mommy vs. bitter single lady bullshit is distracting us from actually focusing on the issues that affect both sides of this largely media-created “issue.” This will be a decision that women will struggle with forever, probably, but it’s about creating a culture that supports them and values them regardless of which choice they make. Unless they’re assholes. Then, it’s about creating a culture that exposes their assholiness and discourages future outbreaks of same.
At the risk of making this all too socio-political (b/c you all hint at it too I think), there really is a class component to the fundamentalist home mommy blogger phenomenon. I’m sure FeministBreeder puts in time to maintain her site but she likely didn’t start out with advertisers and income and scores of followers. My assumption (I could be wrong) is post child birth she had time to blog and post and develop an online identity over time. I know single moms who work outside the home and none of them have made FB kid pic sharing a priority in their life, let alone even acknowledged the pro/con split as a legitimate issue. On the other end of the spectrum, what is a ittle sad is that many women do get saddled with full-time child-rearing and sometimes have no other day-to-day social contact except via FB. Their former identity (if they had one) dissolves (unless you keep it on life-support by reminding everyone you were a rocker chick, for ex), and a new home-based, kid pic posting mommy persona takes its place.
What’s even worse than the mommy who accuses others of being “anti-baby” is how that person’s behavior manifests in public. I managed a restaurant for years and there was such a clear divide between parents (mostly mommies, honestly) who respected everyone else around them by managing their children’s behavior and those who didn’t give a single shit.
Anyway, I hope FeministBreeder never watches Arrested Development and learns about the Milford Academy’s motto: “Where children should be neither seen nor heard,” cuz if so, look out blogosphere!
Kinda surprised/relieved neither she nor that other super-commenter have showed up here yet.
This site is out of their element. I don’t expect them to come play where they have to follow your rules and they can’t control other posts. Also, there is no money in it for them. You’ve already sent them eyeballs, they can only reap animosity by joining this discussion here..
She would, but she’s too busy fighting the good fight in the breastmilk vs formula debate. Also, that is a thing because formula will murder your child or something.
Kudos to you guys n’ Courtenay for tackling this topic. I recently posted an “anti-baby photos on Facebook” comment on FB and caught hell from my friends with kids. They’re still not over it, almost three months later. As Courtenay said, it’s the quantity that’s the problem. Plus, kids aren’t too terribly interesting. No one would tolerate, say, a FB friend that posts endless photos of their car, pets, pecs, etc. Babies shouldn’t be given carte blanche on the site.
Excellent point – too much of ANYTHING, even things that you love, is just annoying. Hence the skyrocketing divorce rate.
Heteronormative middletoupper-class white women calling this shit “ageist” (feminist breeder also went off on the word “lame” being abelist…something she knows nothing about and should shut the fuck up about) and equating it with legitimate systems of oppression is fucking nauseous. They need to quit exploiting radical language and thus devaluing legitimate ageist, ableist, racist, homophobic, femenist, etc. concerns.
The sad thing is that that narrow minded person is raising children.
And not only her own children, other parents look to her for advice. Scary!
We all know this app is just part of your Final Solution for babies. First you hide their pictures, then you’re sticking them on trains to Poland.
PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT TO SEE 40 PICTURES OF MY KIDS ARE JUST AS BAD AS HITLER YOU AGEIST BASTARDS.
Oh my GAWD, Courtenay. You are flipping fabulous, man. As a mom myself I have railed against this nonsense. It is a sad fact, though, that when mothers give birth, their sense of humor is expelled out right after the afterbirth. I was a longtime bogger for the now-defunct Cookie magazine, in which I made fun of moms just like these in posts entitled “Multimedia Mommy.” Look, I myself have been ina fog of cute-overload when looking at my kiddo. But I was never so far gone as to assume anyone outside my intimate family circle would feel the same way. The occasional, judicious posting of offspring can be done. But it hardly ever is. The only problem I have with your strategy? The CAT pictures. I feel about people’s cat pics the way they feel about my baby pics. Can we please all agree to change all cute baby/kids/kitty/puppy pics to images of pastry? Will that please the so-called feminist mommies and whatever other grumps there are in the world? Who can argue with a darling pistachio macaroon? Macaroons are even GLUTEN-FREE, Portland!
oy, mea culpa for addressing Courtenay directly above. Sorry, Cort. I got my Corts mixed and thought Hameister had a blog here as well as the live wire life. I came to this thread via a friend and didn’t do my h-work…Anyhoo, right on for your comments re. people using FB as a “decision validator.” And…listening the audio now. Thanks for this, guys. Baby racism. Hi.la.rious.
No worries – I’m here, too. And, come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Cort respond on here. Let’s say shitty things about him to see if he shows up. I’ve always thought he was a butthole.
I know it’s kind of trite to post a link to an Onion article related to the discussion, but this is one is really goddamn relevant, despite being 13 years old:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/miracle-of-birth-occurs-for-83-billionth-time,775/