It’s rare that I agree with Courtney Love. Typically Courtney is the whorish, smacked out cupie doll of the rock world with three preprogrammed responses to any situation. To get a quote all one needs to do is pull the surgical tubing tied around her arm. Her eyes roll back in her head and she either says, “Who wants to see the rotten meat sleeping bag I call a vagina?” or, “These aren’t track marks, they’re herpes sores. THESE are needle tracks. Oh, and this is the pile of putrid pig guts I call a vagina,” or she says, “waahhhrrrbblllaaabbbbllleeee. Vagina.” But someone unlocked a special message hidden deep within Courtney Love. I think it was hidden right behind the Balrog. The Balrog deep in the shredded, inside out, road kill skunk she calls a vagina. In this special message, Courtney says, "I wanna meet Keith Richards, I’ve never met him. I don’t know what I’m gonna say to him, but I’m gonna touch his liver and I’m gonna let him touch my liver and it’ll be awesome. I’m gonna make him lift up his shirt and I’m gonna say, ’Can I touch your liver?’ And I’m gonna touch where his liver is and see if it’s putrefied or something. I think we both must have incredibly healthy livers. We must!" Yes, Courtney. Let him touch your liver. Let him touch your liver with a nine inch boning knife. But don’t tell him where it is first. Just let him probe around in your guts with his knife, plunging it in over and over again in a never ending quest to find your liver.
And speaking of junkies with filthy vaginas, Steven Tyler. Now, I understand getting pissed at a guy because he torpedoes your band for a second time in three decades by shoving his veins full of cleaning supplies, but there’s some pretty cold shit going on in Aerosmith right now. Back when Steven was in denial about his being addicted to hoovering Vicodin as the reason why he crumpled off the side of the stage at Sturgis like a dry leather bag full of bamboo, Joe Perry said that he and the band were looking for new lead singers. It made sense at the time. Steven’s being a junkie ass bag, we want to play, so we’ll get a new lead singer and Steven work on his Mon-chi-chi raped by a gremlin look. But now that Steven has admitted that he’s a junkie and is in treatment to get clean again, you’d think the band would cut him a break, show a little support for their friend and wait for him to get out of rehab. Especially considering that Joe Perry is a recovering addict himself. But no. They’re still looking for a lead singer and plan on touring without Steven until he gets clean and decides to return. He says they’re planning a tour later this year with an unnamed, and so far un-picked lead singer. He says, "(There's) a few people we've talked to, and we'll see how it goes... As far as auditions go, we'll probably just sit around and have a couple of drinks and see if we get along - because we're already gonna know that they can sing."
And to complete the vagina reference trifecta, for you ladies out there suffering form that not so fresh feeling, just aim your iPhone at your lady bits and get ready for another flood of douche from John Mayer. Yesterday he had some rambling quote about his jerking off being like having the ablity to use the alien weapons in District 9. Today we learn that John Mayer loves looking at big, fat, cock. He says that even though he’s "100 per cent straight as an arrow," he still a dick glancer. He checks dudes out in the locker room or at the urinal. He tells Rolling Stone magazine, "Because of all the porn I've watched, I'm now enamored with what I call 'the third child'. It's not male, it's not female. It's a new creation by way of the hundreds of blow-job films I've seen. There's a new brand of dicks going around right now. It's a new dick. It's a superdick. This superdick is straight and one color, and it seeks to destroy the race of men before them."
