We were cortandfatboy, and that was that.

Starring: Robert Wagner, Lisa and Brian Wood, Leia Weathington, Big Jim Willig, Ryan Fleming, Jefferson Smith, Erik Henriksen, Courtenay Hameister, Byron Beck, David Walker, and Mike Russell.

It’s the last in-studio episode with Big Jim Willig and Byron Beck. It is what you think it is. Of COURSE it is.

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Shows with Courtenay Hameister always seemed to be the ones that ran the full gamut of topics, emotions, and depths. Adding Leia Weathington to that mix only enhanced this fact. And today’s show, the final regular show with both of them, does nothing to change this. Among the topics discussed: Sexual surrogates, Triscuit Heretics, “Beef” as an adjective, Olfactory injustice, the unneccessary shame we ladle onto our own psyche for the silliest of reasons, the necessary shame ladled onto John Travolta’s sharpie’d head for making that music video with Olivia Newton John, the cruel jokes our bodies can play on us via our orifices, and the sense memories associated with the holidays, the ones that make the happy, innocent children inside all of us (even Cort) smile in wonder at what this season means to each of us.

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It’s the last regular episode with David Walker. That means neuroses, and insecurities, and discomfort, and comedy in all the mean, scary places your mind doesn’t like to go, and advice from a guy whose gone into those places and survived somehow. That means Dr. No-Love, threatening to burst from under the surface like the Phoenix Force waiting under the water at the end of X2. Does the sky get set on fire with a righteous fury? Or does David learn to write himself a new story? Topics include – Dental slacking, Podcast admissions, Regret at Trek in the Dark, regret at screwing up Ryan’s last regular episode, and of course – one final crazy-ex-girlfriend story to send you wobbling into an unsure future. David had one last therapy session, and he stretched it into 80 minutes of show for you. So listen.

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Ryan Fleming has every reason to be upset with Bobby on today’s show: He forgot to eat, drank too much coffee, and succumbed to the sort of scatterbrained silliness that he apparently thinks is a side-effect of at least three major diseases he has almost zero working knowledge of. But it’s gonna take more than a woozy, imbecilic co-host to wreck his day, because he’s had one hell of a weekend, one that will change his life forever. Bobby didn’t just disappoint Ryan today, either – no, he made Cort’s life a little worse today too. 1) He remembered Cort’s birthday, and 2) He gave Cort the one gift guaranteed to ruin what life he has left. Other topics include: Alternative methods of car repair. Things you’re not supposed to do to Superman if you value your life. The maturation of video game storytelling, and how 2012 marked a huge jump forward on that front. Hobbit fatigue. A bunch of other stuff. Nothing like making sure the first show back from a big write-up in the paper is a disjointed, ridiculous mess.

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It’s the last regular episode of Mike Russell’s. It plays out like you would expect – a rambling run through about 15 different movie references, a bunch of silly tangents, before settling into an in-depth discussion about a bunch of movies you need to watch. It doesn’t sound like much, but if you’ve been paying any attention for the last 6 years, you know that the above? That’s a recipe for podcast magic. Topics include: The Legacy of Francis Ford Coppola. Cort’s first drunk. Disco McCoy, Frontier Doctor. David Fincher, Star Wars Director? The films of Wes Anderson are separated into tiers. And the strange situation of being forced to argue that Jean Claude Van Damme deserved an Oscar nomination.

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Jeff Parker took advantage of Big Jim Willig’s inability to make the show today (he’s sick) and slid into the guest seat before the door closes forever on cortandfatboy. The stream-of-consciousness conversation that flowed hence had alligators in it, and turkeys frolicking on the beach, and from our raft of discussion, we spied Mitt Romney acting human-ish, and we could see all the way to Brazil, where they do terrible things to old people as a form of entertainment. We got off the raft for a second to talk about terminology – both Jeff’s falling out of love with the term “Geek,” and his thoughts on why anyone would care whether their comic book is called a comic book or not. And then we hop back on the raft and sail towards an alternate future, where Jim Rockford is America’s grampa, and Dr. Sam Beckett leaped into Magnum P.I. Jeff Parker, ladies and gentlemen.

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Who’d have guessed a single confused old man would cause such controversy, but when a news crew showed up to Geek Trivia last night, the guy holding the microphone didn’t endear himself to the room, nor to Courtenay Hameister or Leia Weathington. Cort and Bobby didn’t mind so much, and from such differences, a discussion on self-identification, the subculture of “nerd” or “geek,” the usefulness of such labels in the future, and the need for personalities to have more than a couple facets all got brought up, hashed over, and picked at, with a couple side-trips into learning about nature and sex toys. Also discussed: James Gunn got hit in the face with a bad comedy article from 2011, but is there anything more to it than just a collection of bad jokes? Finally, Courtenay has a bone to pick with that little brat from Two and a Half Men. It’s an eventful show.

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Man, it got all sortsa dorkish up in here today. David Walker held court on a wide range of pop-culture controversies, including Complex Mag’s terrible list of the 25 best season finales of all time, and Drew at HitFix’s rumor that JoGoLev is going to be the Batman in WB’s Justice League movie. How could that be a bad thing? Or maybe a better question would be, considering WB’s history with superhero movies: How the hell would we ever guess whether they’ve turned out a masterpiece or turned out a turd until we’ve already bought a ticket and it’s too late. Some Hobbit nervousness is discussed, and the similar but wildly different careers of Bryan Singer, Sam Raimi, and Peter Jackson are touched upon. Let the in-depth nerdery begin.

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Adam Rosko of Trek in the Park joins Ryan Fleming to talk about Trek in the Dark, the Starfleet extravaganza going down this coming Sunday; Cyber Monday, the archaically named consumer holiday that doesn’t seem so archaically named when almost everyone on Facebook once again falls for the hoax that you can copyright-protect your status updates…by posting a status update. In other fun internet news: Larry Kasdan returns to Star Wars and we all try to forget that Dreamcatcher happened, Jenny Johnson chased Chris Brown off twitter one day before the talking little-kid prop on Two and a Half Men did something ALMOST as stupid as Charlie Sheen, but in the opposite direction, the Wii U is pretty damned fun even if Cort doesn’t know how geography works, and the latest episode of Nerdfight (starring Rosko) gets recapped a little.

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Leia Weathington and Courtenay Hameister combine forces for one of the most interesting hours of conversation we’ve ever had. Amazingly, it starts in the back of a porn theater, and then it moves to the streets, where Cort and Bobby learn what a Slutwalk is, and why the act of reclamation can be both hurtful and harmful. Then we dive back into the internet to try and discern where the line for appropriate internet vigilantism can, or should, be drawn, if you can even draw lines when it comes to vigilantism. And then we wind down with a soothing, not at all disturbing story about Leia going off her meds while falling asleep on a heating pad, and really, that’s the most appropriate story to send you to Thanksgiving with. Enjoy your Holiday.

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Today’s show is brought to you by the letters D, for David Walker, and F, for Frustration. The show goes long because we’re so caught up in talking about various nationwide frustrations we don’t even notice how far in the rearview the hour-long mark is. Topics include: AMC shuts down TFAW’s Walking Dead screenings, because goodwill, free promotion and a sense of community means nothing in the face of getting more cable subscriptions; more dirt kicked on Kevin Clash, and why even if the man behind Elmo is fully exonerated, it’s still not a win; and we try to dig underneath the mentality behind denying your employees health benefits because you don’t wanna pay the extra 14 cents a unit it’d cost you to make sure they’re in good health, not to mention the decision to make them work on Thanksgiving.

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Well, State Rep. Jefferson Smith has a lot of free time now. And a Nintendo console just launched over the weekend. Can Ryan Fleming help Jeff transition from Mayoral Candidate to Master of the Gamepad? Also, Bobby discovers spoilers about Twilight that actualy make him interested in watching the latest movie, and that leads to both Cort and Jefferson relaying the ways in which Twilight has legitimately touched their personal lives. Jefferson gets to talk about why his Election Night party had puppies and a bouncy house, and then he starts wondering out loud as to how the media is going to work in the future in a way that it’s not working right now, and a discussion about the health of the Fourth Estate breaks out, only for Bobby to ruin everything by bringing up Superman like he’s a real person.

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Mike Russell kicks off the show with a quick check-in regarding Skyfall, where we delve a little more into the fun quotient of the film, and the overall ridiculousness of the plotting in almost every other Bond film that’s ever been made. We also slide sideways into the skidding production of the big-budget spinout that was Prometheus, thanks to the leaking of both Jon Spaiht’s and Damon Lindelof’s drafts of the script. Mike also dives a little deeper into the same wading pool Courtenay Hameister was lounging in on Wednesday’s show, and we find out that the owners of the liquor store next to the Roseway don’t like sweater vests. Finally – Mike takes time to devote a good half hour of one of his LAST shows… to talk about Twilight. Yup.

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“Sometimes the dumb ways are the best.”

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Leia Weathington didn’t make today’s show, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t help it. In fact, Leia’s absence led directly to a discussion on work, procrastination, the uneasy balance between the two, and how the internet is constantly shifting that balance, especially for Courtenay Hameister, who – like Cort and Bobby – are finding themselves caught in a space where they still think of “The internet” as this weird OTHER, as opposed to simply the dominant means of communication for the forseeable future. That reality is accompanied with a million little repercussions, especially if you’re a creative person looking to make something off your talents, be it fame, or notoriety, or (gasp) MONEY. It’s a show about expectations, both realistic and unfair, and re-evaluation not only of your own worth, but what “worth” even means. Yup, it’s one of THOSE shows. Hope you’ve got a comfy couch to lay out on.

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Extra special podcast beautifulness today. Not just David Walker, the BadAzz Mofo himself, but Doug Kenck-Crispin of Kick-Ass Oregon History guests on today’s show to talk all manner of interesting, kick-ass stuff that resides just under the surface of what you THINK you know – including Dave’s specific white whale of choice: THE BIGFOOT. Doug hunted one. He’s also gone into the “Shanghai Tunnels” to determine their worth, and tried to follow DB Cooper as far down the rabbit hole as he might have actually gone. This is a pretty damned educational show, which will happen when an educator is on it – Secret Japanese attacks on American soil in World War II, An Oregon governor who beleived in prisoner rehabilitation almost as much as he believed in sending kids to die in Vietnam, and a hell of a lot more. It’s a full plate today, kids. Dig in.

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Ryan Fleming comes to cater to controversies, big and small. There’s the controvery over what was supposed to be a throwaway pair of jokes in Skyfall. That’s nothing compared to the controversy over Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo, potentially throwing away his career chasing after a 16 year old boy on the set of Sesame Street. That’s nothing compared to the controversy of Papa John’s owner publicly letting the world know what a miserly jerk he really is. That’s nothing compared to the controversy of a fair chunk of the country trying to put proceedings into motion that would allow 12 states to legally secede from the union. And all of that pales before the mighty shadow that is the Wii U finally coming out this Sunday. Priorities, people. Priorities.

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Nice, full show with Mike Russell today. First up, some reminiscing on how Mike became the first, and longest running guest on the show; We spitball an Avengers spin-off that would feature the finest in syndicated daily comic-strips, and by finest, I mean “aaaaack”; We delve into whatever the hell World War Z has become, and whether we can actually still be disappointed by that after knowing it was coming; We delve into whatever the hell Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome has become, and why Bobby is disappointed in it even after knowing what was coming; Jurassic Park in 3D, and the change we’re really grateful that Spielberg never made to his Special Editions, and finally: Skyfall – Mike speaks at length at how this is easily as good as Casino Royale, and maybe even a little bit better.

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Big Jim Willig returns. This is both good news and bad news. Good news for the show, because Jim & Byron is a strange, wonderful pairing that mostly works, sometimes, kinda. But it’s bad news because that means Jim got fired, and not only did that happen, he was deprived a catered meal, and a had to ride a bus with a serial pancake murderer. Speaking of grievous injury – Byron discovers his ear will likely swell up and fall off DURING the podcast, Jim learns what a Chud is, and Byron has to judge a Christian Gray lookalike contest, even though nobody really knows what that fictional character is supposed to look like, since, you know, he’s completely fictional and doesn’t have a face. Or a body. A hectic, hyped up return to normal. Ish.

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Here’s the full list of movies screened as part of the Midnight Movie series, which started as a one-off charity screening event, and morphed into whatever the hell it became as it went on. Not all the posters have been archived (nor should they have been, because some of them were ugly) but the ones that have been saved are available to look at by clicking on the name of the movie.

January 2006: Raiders of the Lost Ark (the first Midnight Movie to actually run at Midnight, Charity Screening)
March 2006: Evil Dead 2
April 2006: This is Spinal Tap (the last Midnight Movie to screen at the Kennedy School)
May 2006: The Big Lebowski
June 2006: ALIENS
July 2006: Caddyshack
August 2006: Monty Python and The Holy Grail
September 2006: Jackass: The Movie (the lowest attended Midnight Movie ever: 75 people.)
October 2006: The Usual Suspects
November 2006: Shaun of the Dead
December 2006: Die Hard
January 2007: Sin City (Charity Screening)
February 2007: Fight Club
March 2007: Office Space
April 2007: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (Canceled due to a combination projector malfunction and maybe the drunkest, most altered crowd ever assembled for a Midnight Movie)
May 2007: The Big Lebowski (Cinco De Lebowski II)
June 2007: Dazed and Confused
July 2007: Robocop
August 2007: Pulp Fiction
September 2007: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (do-over)
October 2007: Goodfellas
November 2007: The Goonies
December 2007: Gremlins
January 2008: Star Trek II – The Wrath of Khan (Charity Screening)
February 2008: Big Trouble in Little China (Opening film of the SuperTrash Film Festival)
March 2008: The Princess Bride
April 2008: Anchorman
May 2008: The Big Lebowski (Cinco de Lebowski III – March of the Lebowskis)
June 2008: Top Gun
July 2008: Predator
August 2008: Super Troopers
September 2008: Smokey and the Bandit (The only Midnight Movie we did not choose – corporate sponsorship mandate from KUFO sales staff and Coors)
October 2008: Ghostbusters
November 2008: Army of Darkness
December 2008: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
January 2009: The Godfather (Charity Screening)
February 2009: True Romance
March 2009: Rocky III (included Battlestar Galactica Season 4 premiere)
April 2009: Friday
May 2009: The Big Lebowski (Cinco De Lebowski IV)
June 2009: The Karate Kid
July 2009: The Empire Strikes Back (Charity Screening)
August 2009: Reservoir Dogs
September 2009: Stand By Me
October 2009: Beetlejuice
November 2009: Raising Arizona (First completely independent screening)
December 2009: The Nightmare Before Christmas
January 2010: The Iron Giant
February 2010: Road House
March 2010: The Blues Brothers (feat. Live Music by Target for Tomorrow)
April 2010: Mallrats
May 2010: The Big Lebowski (Cinco De Lebowski V)
June 2010: Terminator 2: Judgment Day
July 2010: Independence Day
August 2010: Jurassic Park
September 2010: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
October 2010: The Lost Boys
November 2010: Planes, Tranes, and Automobiles
December 2010: Scrooged (Faces of Meh – the Live Show)
January 2011: The Muppet Movie
February 2011: Dirty Dancing
March 2011: Animal House
April 2011: ALIENS (5th Anniversary Midnight Movie flashback)
May 2011: The Big Lebowski (Cinco de Lebowski VI)
June 2011: Superman II – The Richard Donner Cut
July 2011: The Rock
August 2011: Raiders of the Lost Ark (5th Anniversary Midnight Movie Flashback)
September 2011: Who Framed Roger Rabbit
October 2011: The Thing
November 2011: This is Spinal Tap (5th Anniversary Midnight Movie Flashback)
December 2011: Die Hard (What Could Possibly Go Wrong – Live Show/5th Anniversary Midnight Movie Flashback)
January 2012: E.T. The Extra Terrestrial
February 2012: The Breakfast Club
March 2012: Enter the Dragon
April 2012: Boogie Nights
May 2012: The Big Lebowski (Cinco De Lebowski VII)
June 2012: Total Recall
July 2012: The Terminator
August 2012: Conan the Barbarian
September 2012: Batman
October 2012: Poltergeist
November 2012: Back to the Future
December 2012: Star Wars (Original Theatrical Version) (The only other Midnight Movie to actually start at midnight, and the final Midnight Movie)

When things change, awkwardness tends to ensue. Wednesdays are changed, because Leia Weathington is joining Courtenay Hameister for the remainder of the show’s run. And guess what – Awkwardness happens. First, political conversation happens, which is welcomed by Courtenay as a means of getting away from topics of a more therapeutic nature. But then there’s the awkwardness, and guess what happens? A long discussion on why asking forgiveness isn’t an easy thing, and trying to skate on a lie is never a great call, and the gentle art of holding grudges, which goes hand in hand with the less delicate art of self-flagellation. Amidst all this, Roxy the Homing Chug destroys a nerf ball and prematurely ends the show. Which is kinda awkward. So it fits. Enjoy.

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David Walker joins us for an Election Day show that somehow manages to only bring up the Election once, for all of 3 seconds, and that was in reference to the news Harrison Ford said he might play Han Solo again – although who actually wants that? Other things we might not want so much as we once thought: A World War Z movie wherein the zombies are turned into a strange combination of lemming and ocean wave, and a Battlestar Galactica movie about young Bill Adama that’s been sidelined for about 2 straight years for movies like “Gatornado” and “Ice Spiders.” But it’s not all skepticism and sideways glances: A spoilery discussion of the latest Walking Dead episode, and why it not only got the thumbs up from Dave, it might have saved the show for him entirely. All that, and Disney continues it’s march towards total childhood domination. Special guest appearance by Cobra Commander.

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So, Cort and Bobby told everybody the show was going away in a month. Obviously, there are a few questions that arise from such a statement. There are a few answers to those questions inside this podcast, but only a few – I mean, the show’s still gonna be around for a whole month, so there’s plenty of time for us to crash this Titanic into any number of icebergs. There’s also plenty of time for us to get hyped for Skyfall, and the LOUD SHOW screening we’re hosting at the Roseway. There’s plenty of time to talk about Halo 4, Assassins Creed 3, and reading internet comments with Ryan Fleming of Digital Trends. There’s lots of time to talk about Cort’s latest misadventures with his youngest daughter, involving a fireplace bellows and a 3 year old who’s already learned how psychological warfare works. All that, and Bobby dares call the “tightness” of the presidential race into question.

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WHAT: cortandfatboy is dead: The Final Episode
WHEN: Friday, December 7th. Doors at 8, Show at 9
WHERE: McMenamin’s Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd
HOW MUCH: $6. Must be 21 or Older to attend. Tickets available here.

They say all good things must end. Well, so do the mediocre things. Pretty much everything ends, really. It’s kind of a dumb saying if you think about it.

The time has come for Cort Webber and Bobby Roberts to turn out the lights on the almost decade-long run of their comedy/pop-culture talk show. And so we begin the countdown to their final episode, cortandfatboy is dead, recorded live on-stage at the Bagdad Theater, home to seven years worth of Midnight Movie screenings, featuring titles such as The Empire Strikes Back, The Iron Giant,  ALIENS, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Fight Club, The Muppet Movie, Enter the Dragon, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and the annual homegrown celebration of all things Dude, Cinco De Lebowski.

cortandfatboy is dead will feature regular guests Ryan Fleming of DigitalTrends.com; filmmaker/writer David Walker (who will be screening his latest short, The Day They Ran Out of Bullets); Live Wire Radio host Courtenay Hameister; gossip columnist Byron Beck; creator of The Legend of Bold Riley Leia Weathington; stand-up comedian Jim Willig, an original presentation from The Sabertooth Vampire creator and Oregonian film critic Mike Russell; as well as surprises and special guests from the show’s eight-year long existence.

Doors will open at 8pm, and at 9pm, the audience will witness the beginning of the end of Portland’s only pop-culture podcast hosted by a squinty, stabby madman, and an excitable, Kangol-capped Hobbit thing. Admission is $6, Only patrons 21 and over may attend. Tickets are available at this link.

Poster art by The!Thomas!Wilson. Prints of this, and previous films in the 2012 Midnight Movie series will be available for purchase in the lobby of the Bagdad. For more, visit http://thethomaswilson.com

Mike Russell saw Skyfall. But he can’t TALK about Skyfall. I mean, he can say that it’s awesome, and he thinks Javier Bardem might get an Oscar nomination, but he can’t REVIEW it. He can talk about his favorite Bonds, and the Disney/Star Wars news, and why he thinks the theory Bobby helped push around the internet on Halloween is true even if sources debunked it, and where he sees the silver lining in the possibility that Dark Horse might lose that Star Wars license. He talks about Wreck-It Ralph even though he hasn’t seen it, and Bobby brings up the little spat spinning out of it, involving who else but Steve Wiebe and Billy Mitchell.

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To sync commentary: Insert your DVD/Blu-Ray/VHS/Laserdisc of “Back to the Future” Proceed through any/all menus and as soon as the film itself begins (Black fading into starfield of the classic 80s Universal Logo) Hit start on the .mp3. Featuring Erik Henriksen (The Portland Mercury), David Walker (BadAzzMofo.com, DariusLogan.com), and Mike Russell (culturepulp.com, The Oregonian). Recorded in the CIC of the Battlestar Portlandia, docked above the Roseway Theater.

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Leia Weathington and Byron Beck go on a trip into the briny deep of Bobby’s latest crippling fear, and hence, he is called a wuss-puss for being afraid of the underwater pillbugs he is sure will eat him up down there. What is Leia afraid of? Being judged harshly by those who don’t share her opinions on Back to the Future, and being taken for granted by lazy, slovenly men. What is Byron afraid of? Nothing – because he took on a whole school full of miscreants and ruffians today when they tried to make him feel unsafe in his own neighborhood. Of course, there were also the pre-requisite discussions about sexual mores and our awkward teen years, but sometimes, when you plumb the deep, you bring up treasures. Scary, multi-legged treasures.

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For Halloween, we dressed up as a show cool enough for the Doubleclicks to visit. The Nerd-Folk-Rock-Comedy-Sister-Duo of Angela and Aubrey Webber dropped in with Courtenay Hameister to discuss their craft, their inspirations, unsatisfying television romances, why people subject themselves to the beautiful misery of Downton Abbey and Battlestar Galactica, the body issues of the average Velociraptor, and the challenges in getting people to donate money to your organization when they have the option to donate to the well being of cute, adorable kitties instead. Featuring 3 live performances from The Doubleclicks.

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So, Disney bought Lucasfilm today. A million voices suddenly cried out in a combination of ecstasy, agony, terror, jubilance – while some simply shrugged and offered up a “Meh.” David Walker and Kenna Conklin joined the show for an hourlong talk about how crazy it is that one megaconglomerate purchased another megacorporation, and that acquisition seems to have sparked imaginations in a way pop-culture hasn’t seen since The Phantom Menace was first announced in the late 90s. What will Disney do with Star Wars, and Indiana Jones, how will that affect Dark Horse, and their games? Who will they get to continue the story, and will they start from scratch? And when do we finally get the Holiday Special on Blu-Ray? Speculation, Commentary, Questions, and maybe some answers, all in today’s show.

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Early Controversy over the coolness of both speedsuits and Huey Lewis blend smoothly into a discussion with Ryan Fleming about the Revolutionary War, and how its relative lack of sex appeal has prevented it from getting a bunch of kick-ass movies about it. That notion – unattainable sexiness – becomes somewhat of a thematic constant throughout discussions such as: Jeff Goldblum’s latest non-death, people faking Hurricane Sandy pictures, Why the ocean doesn’t get explored with anywhere near the same romanticism and fervor as outer space does, G4 finally, completely flatlines, Windows 8 appears to made itself a very unpleasant taco, and throwing garbage into open volcanoes is probably not the greatest of ideas.

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Mike Russell came to the show with a shovel, and the digging we all do leads to more than a few deep conversations. Not even Back to the Future is spared the subterranean analysis, but that’s what happens after you walk out of Cloud Atlas – you spend a lot of time thinking about the actions people take, and the reason for those actions – a theme not only represented in the movie, but represented in the discussion about the movie, discussion that brings up words like “yellowface.” The analysis even extends to movies like Die Hard and Evil Dead, films you wouldn’t think are necessarily “layered” but definitely have more going on than just visceral thrills. Speaking of visceral thrills – Denny’s is offering up Hobbit Second Breakfast. So that’s..uh… something. I guess.

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Cort mentions at one point that today’s show feels like Nightcrawler at a dinner party, BAMFing in and out from different conversations. He’s not wrong – today’s show exercises many of the skills the learned, seasoned podcrafter will have gained after months of loading down their iPod with show after show. Leia Weathington and Byron Beck squirrel from subject to subject such as: Cookies. Dyeing your body parts. Halloween parties, and how to make a stick of butter sexy. Behind the scenes at the last televised Mayoral Debate in PDX. Arrow is kind of a good show. Anderson Cooper is super-cute. Lotus Birth. How men sit, and what it says about them. And probably some other stuff that’s been forgotten between when this was recorded and posted because too much BAMFing can mess with a guy’s memory.

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Courtenay Hameister brought cookies to knife fight. Well, not so much a knife fight as a sharp debate. A debate about literacy in America, and whether there’s something wrong with grownups shoving kids out of the way to get to the Young Adult novels, or whether there’s something so wrong with grownup novelists that readers have to elbow kids out of the Young Adult section to get a good story to read. Also discussed: Grease is bad for you, so stop taking your kids to see it. The silliness of pursuing a superficial perfection at all costs, when some of the best things this world has ever seen came from people no one would ever consider conventionally “beautiful.” What’s beautiful? A nice guy from the special olympics writing a really nice letter that oh-so-nicely defangs one of the dumbest trolls in the modern media. It’s a hopeful show, really. That’s what adding cookies to this podcast does.

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David Walker came the show toting 10 gallon buckets of salt, and he cannot WAIT to sprinkle it on anything you might like. Ever. The sodium must be getting to Bobby’s brain, because he forgets pretty much everything he ever knew. Frequently. Cort somehow comes off like the optimist on today’s very heavily pop-culture-centric episode, which means this has gotta be one of the rarest episodes of this show you’ll ever hear, as you traipse down a free-floating, free-associating discussion on film and television that includes The Walking Dead, Die Hard With a Vengeance, Jaleel White, Midnight Run, Eddie Murphy, The Justice League, what would have made Cast Away a better movie, and how David Walker plans on making a movie with 1/10th the budget of Alex Cross that is 10x as good as Alex Cross, starring Kadeem Hardison and Ted Lange.

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Ryan Fleming surfs a wave of frustration that beaches on the opening of today’s show, a frustration named “People in parking lots who sit there with their foot on the brake in reverse but never pull out.” From there, we discuss lesser stupidities, such as Tim Tebow trademarking the act of post-touchdown prayer, and Lance Armstrong pursuing a future in Texas politics. One of the best marketing campaigns in awhile is unleashed upon unsuspecting soft-drink patrons, and an old dude at CBS marvels at how embarrassed some of us are that we don’t own the brandest-newest bit of technology that is still basically just magic to him. Also discussed – why the latest Bond game is probably the worst game of the year, why Assassin’s Creed might be the first GOOD video game movie ever, and the best hip-hop song of the 90s.

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Erik Henriksen fills in for Mike Russell, and after an extended discussion on his vegetarianism, and the amazing human achievement that is Tofurkey, we get into some Sci-Fi stuff: Cloned meats, the Star Trek future that’s been long denied us, the unbelievable, unmitigated chutzpah of Bobby to dare try correcting Science Wizard Neil DeGrasse Tyson, why Deep Space Nine is a superior show to The Next Generation, why Stargate is fun even when it shouldn’t be, and a hastily assembled hierarchy of Sci-Fi television history that key members of our audience are DEFINITELY going to disagree with. Erik then peels back the curtain of schlockmasters The Asylum, who make movies EXACTLY the way you thought they did, before closing with a quick discussion on why Hitchcock is worth an all day marathon.

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ONE DAY ONLY: BIG JIM WILLIG AND DON FROST RETURN. Mere hours before the first ever Big and Loud Live Podcast, our former Thursday guest tells tales of life on the front lines of Call Center Hell, and his misery involves a really big Biggie Smalls fan with a really small bluetooth problem. We slide sideways for a quick fashion and insensitivity minute with Mr. Willig, before Don Frost shares his own stories of Adventures in the Public sector, and not only will you learn precisely why Circuit City crashed and burned, but you’ll understand why B for Boo Boo is the obvious sequel to V for Vendetta, and why – no matter what happens in the rest of your life – the phrase “Remember This” will always be tied to this show.

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The show is thick with electric worry. It doesn’t seem that way at first, as Cort and Bobby muse upon the majesty of Michael Rooker while Courtenay Hameister of Live Wire Radio learns a few things about desire, but then its her turn to teach them about serious life skills in the organizational realm, and how everything can be managed, even the amount of time you worry in a day. And its at this point that Cort’s worries come alive, and the battle of glowing neuroses between Cort & Courtenay look like a lightsaber battle. From there, we discuss the gentle art of forgiveness, and the not so gentle art of unmasking the world’s most infamous troll.

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David Walker has opinions, you guys. Lots of them. Some of them good, some of them bad. Not as bad as Bobby’s, who, it turns out, is entirely responsible for every bad sequel/prequel that ever existed in the history of ever. Today’s episode explores the allure of horror as a genre, and explains why people keep going back to the well even though the chances of finding something good in there seem to get lower and lower. It’s kind of like the lottery, or gambling, a topic that also gets brought up, as David explains why our country’s puritanical sensibilities are still strong in our national fabric, even if everyone you know is familiar with stuff like Goatse & 2 Girls 1 Cup. Why do we still freak out at nip slips and sideboob? Why do we waste cash on lottery tickets? Why do people think ANYONE wants to know how Leatherface got that way? Important questions answered in today’s show.

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Yeah, we asked Jefferson Smith about hitting a girl in the face in 1993. Yeah, we asked about the decisionmaking that led to him and a friend trying to approach that girl over 20 years later as the news was about to break the story. Yeah, we asked about the timing of this story, and why news organizations waited til this October to tell a story they’ve known about for a year. Yeah, we asked why he didn’t just own it and tell it himself without waiting for the press to serve it up on a platter. Yeah, we asked about his garbage driving record, and whether or not he should ever drive again. And then we asked how it’s affecting him and his family, whether this will put him off politics forever, and what he has to do in the last 22 days of this campaign to get people to focus less on what a jerk he was in college, and more on what needs to happen so that Portland becomes a better place to live.

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Ryan McCluskey is in the house, everybody, with his main man Mike Russell, to tell tales of the British Theatre, and how Stellan Skarsgaard and Jonathan Pryce perpetrated one of the all-time classic pranks on him. He also saw whatever that new Ethan Hawke movie is, which launched us on a conversation about horror convention that apparently is way more interesting than whatever that new Ethan Hawke movie is. Also discussed: The mystifying decision not to put the real ending of Doctor Who’s most recent episode IN the episode, the trouble behind the Kickstarter for The Goon, and how Ben Affleck is one of the best point guards in Hollywood right now. BONUS: More Chatum & Jogolev love, now with Adam Scott warm fuzzies!

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Leia Weathington and Erika Moen are Smut Peddlers. Or at least, they’re comics creators who have contributed a 7 page opus de smut to an independent tome of lady-centric comics pornography. What the hell does any of that even mean? It’s so much better to hear them tell it, as well as the story of how they came to be collaborators, and what it’s like to work at Periscope Studios, apparently an oasis of sanity and awesomeosity in an industry not so much known for either things. Erika also breaks down the inspired question from Jeff Parker at the heart of her collaboration with him, “Bucko,” and since we’re discussing the art of titillation, it only makes sense that Paul Ryan’s pictures come up for discussion. BONUS: Leia and Bobby slapfight each other over fashion and mispronunciations!

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Courtenay Hameister brings friends/co-workers/vampires Shelley McLendon and Michael Fetters back to the studio to talk about what a crazy undertaking they’re in the middle of, what with this whole adapting The Lost Boys into a stage play. What’s been changed? What stays the same? How do you manifest the essence of Kiefer Sutherland into one single look? And then, the conversation turns to the more serious of subjects: Courtenay’s spent much of her life without a jam. Cort has a jam. Bobby has a jam. Shelley has so much jam that I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. Can we come together to solve this giant hole in Courtenay’s soul, or will we have to journey to the library to see if we can look up a solution?

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Learn why there was no show yesterday, thanks to Bobby’s stupid body. Find out about David Walker’s oh-so-illuminating plane ride next to a drunk christian with a lot on her mind. Discover what the phrase “skyburial” entails thanks to Cort’s worldly nature. Marvel at Hasbro’s amazing sense of redundancy as they put a Words With Friends board game into production. At some point, discussions of self-involvement, Seattle’s terrible parking practices (which include just crashing in order to create a parking space) Seattle fans terrible fandom, but not as bad as Kansas City’s fandom, which is pretty damn gross. Dave’s new project with AMC, Monopoly rules, and whether or not Dave should date the singing teapot from Beauty and the Beast. It’s good to be back.

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When Mike Russell is back – you’ll know it. You’ll know it by his voices, plentiful and ridiculous. You’ll know it by how high the educational content of the show rises. You’ll know it because we’re talking about a LOT of movies. We talk about the clever (maybe a little too-clever) Looper, and the majestic, transcendent, angry The Master, and the depressingly throatchop free Taken 2. We also discuss the Lone Ranger trailer that just came out, and the parallels it shares with the pre-release atmosphere surrounding the first Pirates of the Caribbean, and the lessons Hollywood took away from the Dark Knight, and why those lessons are probably not the right ones. Oh, and maybe the most surreal commercial in a long time.

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To sync commentary: Insert your DVD/Blu-Ray/VHS/Laserdisc of “Poltergeist” Proceed through any/all menus and as soon as the film itself begins (classic 80s MGM Lion Roaring logo fades in from black) Hit start on the .mp3. Featuring Erik Henriksen (The Portland Mercury), David Walker (BadAzzMofo.com, DariusLogan.com), and Mike Russell (culturepulp.com, The Oregonian). Recorded in the CIC of the Battlestar Portlandia, docked above the Roseway Theater.

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Leia Weathington and Byron Beck grab hands and yank the show down an educational path. A sex-educational path. As in Leia’s history with sex-education in the midwest is pretty damned backwards. Not as bad as Byron’s history with sex-education, which is continual, on-going, and frequently confused. A conversation on The Mediocre Show leads to a discussion about condom usage, and whether there’s any way to get condom use to feel like less a necessary chore, and more like a natural part of safe sex practices. And then we dip our toes in a couple weird bits of male hypocrisy: Why aren’t there highly-effective, widely available forms of MALE birth control, and why aren’t dudes in line to get them? And what is it about wine that causes some dudes to turn up their nose at it in favor of watered down urine in a Budweiser can?

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Matt Bors, Political Cartoonist and Pulitzer Prize shortlister, guests on today’s show with Courtenay Hameister, on the day that Mitt Romney and Barack Obama go head-to-head for the first time in a televised debate. Except we don’t really talk about that. We talk about silly drinking games and pre-planned zingers, yeah, but we spend more time talking about what it’s like to be the youngest member of a dying breed of artist, and the casual vacation he took in 2010 with his friend Ted Rall. That vacation destination? Oh, Afghanistan. Sure, we get into how he comes up with his ideas, but again – it’s the why that’s more important, and why Matt Bors does what he does is infinitely fascinating.

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Lauren Weedman was on today’s show. We talked about everything. Or at least it felt that way. The star of “Bust” and “No… You Shut Up” is in Portland to do some prep-work for her newest one-woman show, “The People’s Republic of Portland,” and she’s a little worried about it, being that she’s from LA by way of New York, by way of Amsterdam, by way of Seattle, by way of Indiana. But that’s really no different than 85% of Portland anymore, anyway. Today’s show is a journey through varying states of awkward, inappropriate, funny, uncomfortable, warm, wise, amused, and amusing. Why the hell do we do these things we do, and how do we keep screwing up at it?

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